This is the last part of my hypothetical Xmas list. Please know that if I actually could get you guys this stuff, I totally would.
Happy holidays!
(Note: If I missed you here, or in Part I or Part II, I didn’t do it on purpose and as soon as I realize what I did I’ll feel terrible about it. I went all out of order and disorganized, as is my way, and for this I truly apologize.)
afoolishwit & raptordactyl - BFF necklace charms and a set of those cans connected with a string so you can always stay in touch with each other
amithatboring - A man who’ll jump in a jacuzzi tub & sing every single word of an R. Kelly song to you
bluecrab - This
bumpcrud - Silverchair, the band, yours to play for you at your command, whenever and wherever
brianicus - A neverending Super Mario Bros game
drbadhands - You’re rarely around these days, so I’d give you the knowledge that I miss you. Also, the recognition you deserve as an extremely gifted poet and a lifetime supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon
edgellace - Incentive to use your tumblr account more often!!!
fuckstick - Two assistants, one to do your schoolwork and one to do you
gsouder - A mechanical bull
jas508 - Unlimited air quotes
jhuitz - The abillity to warp back and forth between countries and immunity to jet lag
jollilama - The Big Book of Knowledge. Illustrated with lots of pretty pictures
nhmagpie - All the time in the world
nicedream - A Toys R Us shopping spree for your daughter and the knowledge that I was going to get you something “Asian” related as a joke but punked out because I was worried about offending you since we don’t really communicate often even though we’ve been following each other forever. Also, my apologies that you are now aware of how long-winded I can be
redtothetone - A million dollar gift certificate to Fredricks of Hollywood and unlimited hair care products
snackajawea - A house full of animals, the four-legged or human variety - you choose
solsilva - A pair of Jimmy Choos
susanimate - The confession that your tweets about a garage sale you had a long, long time ago were the earliest exposure to funny tweeting I had, and they set the bar for my Twitter experience
wadetoblack - Tickets to any concert in the world, a real-life giant rooster for you to ride, and a real-life giant cow for you to milk
whitexbread - A Gucci purse to date your messenger bag so you can turn your “Bag’s Life” photography series into porn, if you so desire
xytrex - The knowledge that you are letting nobody down, that everything you post helps, and that you are making a difference. Oh, and also Lego Rock Band as your birthday present
yidago - The strength to weather the tough times and the knowledge that you & your family are in my heart & thoughts
I couldn’t think of anything to get the following people because I either haven’t known you long, or for whatever reason we haven’t interacted enough for me to get a sense of who you are. It doesn’t make you less important, it just puts getting to know you on my to-do list. In the meantime, know that I’d get you each a million dollars and a candy cane:
anonygirl, ashamedtosay, chiclet, coyotev, davidseymour, emzbulletproof, factualfiction (this is a crime on my part, I should know more about you by now. I suck), garyh, kayleighrose, lindsayloo, mlbmatos, nickapopolus, stereoforbrains, wickedamy, and yhf