December 2009
76 posts
Tannenbaum must be German for "Shennanigans"
My husband was playing Fallout 3 on the Xbox while I sat next to him and worked on my laptop. It’s what we do. We lead very exciting lives. Suddenly I looked over at him and said, “You know…” and before I could finish what was sure to be a very insightful comment, *kaboosh*, our Christmas tree went down.
Our fucking Christmas tree fell over!!!
We both just kind of...
November 2009
17 posts
New Moon - A Rebuttal
One of my favorite movies in the world is Clueless. My brother-in-law found this out about me last night, and he was less then impressed. In fact, his exact words were – “I’ll bet you’re going to go see New Moon.”
There’s something about being insulted by your husband’s family that’s inherently “below the belt”. It’s impossible to fight back without crossing an etiquette line. My husband and...
Sleeping with the enemy
*Bonk*
My eyes fly open in enraged bewilderment as I realize he’s done it again. My lovely, gentle husband who wouldn’t kill an ant if I asked him to has elbowed me in the head in his sleep. My hand flies up to the spot where his bony elbow made contact as I start to howl in pain and anger. I’m exaggerating, of course. It was nowhere near as painful as I’m making out. But...
“Low self-esteem, childhood trauma, blah, blah, snore… What’s your...”
– Tara, True Blood, Season 1, Episode 3
Coming clean
This version of me wears a string of tiny pearls around her neck. She knows how to use a food processor and understands the difference between an appetizer and an amuse bouche. She wears heels when she cooks. She wears heels when she cleans. Stepford Barbie keeps her heels click, click, clicking on the polished marble tile floor. She works seven days a week and doesn’t sit down for...
