December 2010
119 posts
Dear anyone I ever have to eat with in public
My stomach is an asshole. Yes, my entire digestive tract is one, big, long asshole. You could argue that this is pretty much true of everyone. But that would make you a smartass. And also an asshole.
I can’t eat that delicious steak you’re ordering so cavalierly. I can’t eat the pasta because of the yummy rich sauce, and I can’t eat the fish because it’s made...
Dear anyone I ever have to eat with in public
My stomach is an asshole. Yes, my entire digestive tract is one, big, long asshole. You could argue that this is pretty much true of everyone. But that would make you a smartass. And also an asshole.
I can’t eat that delicious steak you’re ordering so cavalierly. I can’t eat the pasta because of the yummy rich sauce, and I can’t eat the fish because it’s made...
i'm not sleeping: 10 reasons why morning shows... →
designbuff:
So I’ve been sick for the last week, stuck in bed with the tv playing random shows because I was too sick to bother finding the remote or a different channel. Today, my husband put the news on and left for work. What comes on after the news? Morning shows. Ugh! Why are they still on television?
1. They reiterate the stuff you just saw on the
Read this only if you like to laugh.
1 tag
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Oh see dee
Me: No wait! Wait! “Catch and Release” doesn’t go in the Colin Firth section.
Ken: Where does it go?
Me: Alphabetically in the “Other” section. And “A Christmas Carol”, is that where it came from originally or did you just put it back willy-nilly?
Ken: I have no idea.
Me: Because those are arranged in order according to release date.
Ken: Sure, ok, I put it back where I got it from...
Truth(ful Tuesday)
Sometimes I write something and it’s like ripping open a wound. But I write it anyway, because I know that the feelings aren’t doing me any good in my head, and maybe by putting them out there, they can offer something to somebody else.
These posts are very difficult to write, and sometimes I end up crying when I’m finished, and it’s like I’m five years old all over...
Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about the wild, angry girl inside of me. I think of nights spent staggering around a crowded dance floor, rubbing up against faceless men. Shivering highs and the false, chemical friendship found in the nonsense conversation of pre-dawn parties. I think of those moments right before the alcohol pulled me under, and of the things I did on the edge of that...
Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about the wild, angry girl inside of me. I think of nights spent staggering around a crowded dance floor, rubbing up against faceless men. Shivering highs and the false, chemical friendship found in the nonsense conversation of pre-dawn parties. I think of those moments right before the alcohol pulled me under, and of things I did on the edge of that...
How to write a doctoral dissertation
Arrange all toys on desk in height order.
Place pictures of husband and celebrity crush where you can see them. For inspiration. And for sex daydreams.
Make sure cup of tea is hot. This is not a euphemism for self-gratification. Oh, what the hell, make it a euphemism for self-gratification.
Open thesis (thesi? thesises?) of past three students to relevant pages for reference. Also for...
In the elevator, on the way to our car, we are quiet. We hold hands, and listen to the slow, nasal chatter of two old ladies in the elevator with us.
“How about that Colin Firth?” one says to the other, and I immediately feel Ken’s fingers tighten around mine.
“Oh, I just adore him!” the woman’s companion exclaims, “The last time I saw him was in that...
He loves me
Ken: So what’s this movie about anyway?
Me: It’s about this king who stuttered and his speech therapist who helped him get over it.
Ken: So there’s no war or fighting or anything?
Me: No.
Ken: sigh All right…
Secret tumblr message to everyone
I can’t even begin to thank you for your kindness. I simply don’t have the words. I am completely overwhelmed by your generosity, and I don’t know the right way to communicate to you what this huge surprise in my email inbox means.
I started my tumblr as a way to practice my writing. I logged on and found a few Twitter friends, and they became more than people I shared 140...
Things said around our apt. since we discovered my...
“Xbox, don’t listen to her. I am your master.”
“Xbox why are you defying me?”
“Xbox, make me a sandwich.”
“Xbox. Xbox! XBOX!!! Damn thing doesn’t recognize my authority.”
“Xbox, open up and take this disc inside of you. Yessss. Just like that.”
I've been playing Fable III for 5 hours straight
Biggest Pro so far:
Pink! I have pink clothes and pink boots. I have pink hair. I have a pink poodle that follows me around.
Biggest Con so far:
Every time I try to sex a character up, Ken walks in the room and I’m all, “Abort! Abort!”
What I learned in the dark
I have no palate. I thought beets were pears. I thought game hen was rabbit. I knew chocolate though. Chocolate and I go way back.
Ken and I talk about the same things in the dark as we do in the light of day.
I can tell when Ken is eating off my plate by the tone of his voice.
I eat A LOT more when I know people can’t see me.
Surprise whipped cream kisses are fun.
A waiter watching...
Colin Firth
hacopianhere:
Now that Cloudya’s birthday is over, can we take a 364 day break from Colin Firth? He’s a mildly attractive man I guess. But British men lose more points for being foppish dandies than they gain from any attractiveness attributable to their accents. And holding up men who look like little girls to be symbols of attractiveness is a symptom of the pussification of America! If you...
I tried!
But I wasn’t able to reblog and thank all the wonderful people who wished me a happy birthday. And now my birthday is over, and I can’t legally bombard the dash anymore. (Boooo!)
Thank you
lilykily - Yes, our meeting was way too short!
bitchypoo - Yum, hot knitted actors. Wha…?
betterversionofme - Blow up dolls!
designated - Colin Hay < Colin Firth. By, like, a billion
...
I tried!
But I wasn’t able to reblog and thank all the wonderful people who wished me a happy birthday. And now my birthday is over, and I can’t legally bombard the dash anymore. (Boooo!)
Thank you
lilykily - Yes, our meeting was way too short!
bitchypoo - Yum, hot knitted actors. Wha…?
betterversionofme - Blow up dolls!
designated - Colin Hay < Colin Firth. By, like, a billion
...
rsmallbone asked: Hey you,
Happy almost-belated birthday. I waited until the last minute because I assumed all of the Colin Firth photos would be on sale, but apparently not. Instead, I give you this word-picture: Colin Firth is an attractive older Englishman, and he's lazing naked on your couch waiting for you to come home so he can give you a foot massage. Naked. And then, you know, you'd...
Happy almost-belated birthday. I waited until the last minute because I assumed all of the Colin Firth photos would be on sale, but apparently not. Instead, I give you this word-picture: Colin Firth is an attractive older Englishman, and he's lazing naked on your couch waiting for you to come home so he can give you a foot massage. Naked. And then, you know, you'd...
yidago-deactivated20120220 asked: Don't ask questions. At 11:00 PM EST a package will be delivered to your door. Inside said package will be the severed penis of an actor who shall remain nameless. Let's call him Tolin Mirth. Enjoy and happy birthday. xo
Now watching...
corvidae30:
…Nanny McPhee.
Another day in the trenches for me. Soon it will all pay off, with happy faces on Christmas day.
I found the people who helped me today were cheery, and actually helpful, and I made sure to thank each one sincerely for their assistance. I wish some of my fellow shoppers had done the same. You really do see both the best and worst in people this time of year
I will...
rsmallbone asked: Hey you,
Happy almost-belated birthday. I waited until the last minute because I assumed all of the Colin Firth photos would be on sale, but apparently not. Instead, I give you this word-picture: Colin Firth is an attractive older Englishman, and he's lazing naked on your couch waiting for you to come home so he can give you a foot massage. Naked. And then, you know, you'd...
Happy almost-belated birthday. I waited until the last minute because I assumed all of the Colin Firth photos would be on sale, but apparently not. Instead, I give you this word-picture: Colin Firth is an attractive older Englishman, and he's lazing naked on your couch waiting for you to come home so he can give you a foot massage. Naked. And then, you know, you'd...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
bluecrab:
Happy Birthday Claudia and Lynn!
Y’all are amazing, incredible women and I am soo glad you were born!
Love you lots!
Thank you sweety! The feeling is mutual! :D
yidago-deactivated20120220 asked: Don't ask questions. At 11:00 PM EST a package will be delivered to your door. Inside said package will be the severed penis of an actor who shall remain nameless. Let's call him Tolin Mirth. Enjoy and happy birthday. xo
I have to go get ready for dining in the dark
Which is ridiculous, because it’s dark. I should be able to just wear a bathrobe and a smile.
I haven’t been able to reblog everyone’s birthday wishes because I’m afraid of clogging the dash. I’m still working on it, and I will get back to it when I get back from dinner. It’s important to me to be able to tell you each individually how much it means to me that...
Happy Birthday Cloudya!
pvaras:
Happy Birthday to the coolest Science doing, Video Game playing, British Actor loving woman I know. I hope your day is Firth-tacular!
Love ya loads
Patrick
Love ya loads too Patrick! Thank you very much.
I’m glad we’re friends, and that our friendship has extended to Facebook and Xbox Live. Thank you for not checking up on me when I’m on Netflix streaming.
I said...
