July 2010
108 posts
June 2010
74 posts
Letter to my 29 year old self
Dear newly-divorced Claudia,
Vibrators. Check ‘em out.
Love,
35 year old Claudia
Labmate: I need music!
Me: Don’t you have headphones?
Labmate: Well, I have this bluetooth headset and I can use it with my iPhone. The only thing is I have to have it in all day and, well, you know.
Me: (nodding sagely) You look like a jackass?
Labmate: What? No! I was going to say I run out of battery…
1 tag
Consider Flight
Consider the feeling of racing down the runway, holding your breath, that great big bubble, as you poise yourself for the next moment, and the next, and the next.
Consider, then, the great balletic leap as you lift. The ground pulls away and recedes and you are plunged into the great cold silence of atmosphere - that nothing that is in itself a form of ocean, that holds you indifferently in its...
3 tags
Things I've learned this month
You are so convinced that who you are is an absolute. That your life up until the present has been a prelude, and today you are the finished product.
“Here I am,” you say, “My whole life has been leading up to this point, and now I am who I was always meant to be.”
Then another day passes, and you are changed by it - sometimes subtly, sometimes not, but always...
My online dating profile
I like Filth.
I mean FIRTH. Ha! Firth…
I like a filthy Firth.
I like to fiercely fist a filthy Firth.
Heh.
I’m sorry, what were we doing again?
“Come home already. This thing is just sitting here, unused. Come home.”
– Ken
Truthful Tuesday
I’m trying really, really hard at this year’s RNA Conference. I’m tired of feeling like a failure and I’m tired of feeling stupid. I want to make this science thing work, at least until I get my degree.
We only had three 25 minute talks to listen to today. I was only able to focus for the first 10 minutes of each before my mind drifted up and away.
Tomorrow will be...
2 tags
Happy birthday Miss Ambiguous!
I’m at the airport, and I’ll be on planes for the next eight hours, so I’m unable to post a clever picture, or break out my nonexistant Photoshop skills. But I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. You are a wonderful, beautiful person, and I hope your day is the bright and lovely day that you deserve. Happy, happy birthday!
Heartache
Tomorrow morning I leave for Seattle for a conference. I’ll be gone for a week. A week in a strange city. A week without Ken.
My heart hurts.
Ken and I had only been married a week when I had to travel to Germany for my first international conference. We got back from our honeymoon and the very next day I was on a transatlantic flight. I cried so hard a flight attendant took the time...
bourbonismycopilot asked: Have you seen Easy Virtue? It's a fairly terrible movie but Mr. Firth is his lovely sardonic self.
1 tag
My mom and the vuvuzela
When I was 12 my parents bought season tickets to the University of Miami football games. Every weekend we would don our orange T-shirts, load our pom-poms and foam fingers and pre-packed lunches into the car, and head out to cheer for a team we had never really followed before. I was always excited and giddy and full of smiles. Until we took our seats and my mom put the vuvuzela to her lips....
Truthful Tuesday - Dentist Edition
I lie about the possibility I’m pregnant in order to get out of unnecessary dental X-rays
It takes every ounce of restraint not to lick the dentist’s fingers when he’s working on me, and then I have to fight not to giggle at the thought of what he’d do if I just let go and did it.
I keep my headphones in while the dentist works on me, but I rarely have anything playing....
1 tag
All I want is to be human. To perform a basic human function. To do the one thing that all life is capable of doing - procreate. That’s all I want. I just want to be human. I want to get fat and pregnant. I want to make a little person, and I’m so afraid I can’t. I’m so afraid there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.
I spent 35 years saying I...
1 tag
Ken's fingertips give me hives
I wish to God this were a joke.
Secret tumblr message
Being afraid won’t change the outcome. Either it will happen or it won’t, regardless of how much you fear and fret. Let go and enjoy the now because that’s all you can do.
To be filed under, “easier said than done”. Cross-listed under “do as I say not as I do”.
Lots of hugs and kisses and good things.
3 tags
Me: Are you going to play golf today?
Ken: I can’t decide. What would you do if you were me?
Me: I’d probably freak out about having a penis. But then I’d befriend it and all would be well.
Ken: …
Me: Oh, you meant about golf.
2 tags
It occurs to me, as the 80lb German Sheperd comes bounding down the hall, and instead of ducking back into my apartment I crouch down and open my arms to greet it, that my survival skills could use some work.
A late night thought. Or, the hooker on 2nd...
Seeing a prostitute is a lot like seeing The Statue of Liberty for the first time. Or The Eiffel Tower. Or The White House. You know on some level that these things exist because you’ve seen them in movies and TV shows. You’ve been told these things are real, and you accept that. But the first time you’re faced with these things in person, it’s still jarring. ...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(via fuiru)
My turn? GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
:D
Frageelay: Gorillasushi Relief Fund →
Please Reblog.
Many of you know that Jason, aka Gorillasushi, lost his wife after a long illness this week. With his permission, I’ve created a Pledgie account for those of us who wish to donate to help him with the astronomical medical bills and other expenses he’s now facing on his own.
Here’s a link to
Things I think about when I'm stuck in the waiting...
Knowing he was the first and only person to ever touch her this way thrilled him. Not out of some misguided sense of possessiveness, or because it soothed a weak or jealous ego. But because knowing he was awakening her to joy gave him a sense of purpose. Moving her, making her twist and bend in ecstasy, was the most honest way he knew to love her.
redtothetone-deactivated2010062 asked: people have been expressing opinions about people that tell offensive jokes. other people have been expressing opinions about people that express opinions about people that tell offensive jokes. what's your opinion about people that don't have opinions?
My categories
Someone posted the other day about mental categories they’ve created for the people they follow, so I thought I’d share a few of my own:
People who I’d sleep with in a heartbeat if we ever met and I was single and they were single and we’d both shared our sexual history and found it to be mutually acceptable and they promised to buy me dinner first and then call the next...
fuiru asked: Here I am, your go-to guy for any English penile facts...
It's true, unless an English guy is Jewish, he probably isn't circumcised. So Mister Firth is most probably still packing foreskin.
(And I mean "packing" in the sense of someone with a gun is "packing heat", not in the sense that Colin Firth fills boxes with foreskins)
It's true, unless an English guy is Jewish, he probably isn't circumcised. So Mister Firth is most probably still packing foreskin.
(And I mean "packing" in the sense of someone with a gun is "packing heat", not in the sense that Colin Firth fills boxes with foreskins)
factualfiction asked: For serious, do you think Colin is circumcised? This has been on my mind for quite some time. I jjust want to make sure I am envisioning everything properly.
I think not. I've dated some british guys, and nuh uh.
I think not. I've dated some british guys, and nuh uh.
2 tags
Lady on the TV: How did a tiger get all the way across town without being spotted?
Ken: Because it wasn’t a leopard.
Things I learned today
There is no graceful way to bend over and pick a candy bar out of the vending machine, but concentrating too hard on not looking like a total idiot will insure I slam my forehead against the glass.
You should never tell people they can call you “Glans Penis” unless you are really, truly ready for it.
It’s entirely possible to go the whole day with chocolate smeared on your...
