July 2010
108 posts
Sometimes I am truly here, and it’s just me and him. Then it’s our naked breath, the soft sound of his laughter, and the lightness of joy made tangible and real. Sometimes I am truly present in the moment. Sometimes I’m fearless that way, and it strikes me how extraordinary my life has been in its own quiet way.
sblaufuss asked: This isn't a question, I just wanted to let you know that if I could paint, I would paint you a picture of two Colin Firths having sex with each other while you eat grapes and watch from a chaise lounge.
Divorce
I don’t talk about my ex-husband much because there isn’t much to say. He was a mean, selfish, angry little man who cared more about money and status than he did about people. He married me because his life plan included a wife. But to him, I was just another possession. He gave me Tiffany bracelets and made sure we lived in a house with a good address, but he monitored my bank...
I write good
youngercougar:
My mom yells at me “You could be such a talented writer, if only you’d learn some GRAMMAR”
I’m all “I, know. Mom.”
2 tags
Beautiful
I’m running late, and Ken is waiting for me downstairs, so I slide my feet into some ratty old flip-flops while frantically digging in my purse for my keys. It’s not until I’ve locked the front door and am power-walking towards the elevator that I realize I forgot to brush my hair. Not a problem, I think. I saw a ponytail holder somewhere amidst all the loose change rattling...
“The way I look at it, if you’re gonna take the danger out of getting to know...”
– True Blood, Episode 206
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thefount asked: Hey, I wanted to ask: I know I talk baby stuff all the time (and today more than most, of course), but I just wanted to make sure it's not upsetting to you. I know you are struggling, and we've experienced it too, and I'd never want to make things any harder for you.
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Ken and I get on an elevator with two people
Person #1 has a baby in his arms. Person #2 has a dog on a leash.
The dog and I bond instantly. I pet him and he gives me kisses and snuggles my legs.
The baby and I eye each other warily.
“Cute baby,” I say.
“Thanks,” Person #1 says.
The baby says nothing. The baby is not fooled.
“Do you think I should’ve tried to pet the baby?” I ask Ken later...
1 tag
“I’ve never farted on your keyboard, by the way. Just so you know.”
– @ElleWatts
File under “disconcerting things said to me this morning”.
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I can hear Ken and his twin brother skyping in the...
Ken: Hello?
Doug: Hello?
Ken: Can you hear me?
Doug: No, I can’t hear you.
Ken: If you can hear me, what’s 4 + 3?
Doug: I can’t hear you. 19.
Ken: If you can hear me, what color is blue?
Doug: Blue is blue. I can’t hear you.
1 tag
1 tag
Saving Claudia
I have a lot of uber-religious family members. Most of them are facebook friends, because they live in Guatemala, and facebook is really the only connection we have. I’ve met them only a handful of times in my life. They are aunts and uncles and cousins, but I’ve never really known them. They know nothing of how I was raised, what I believe, what I’ve been through, and what...
Ken: Are you getting out of bed?
Me: In a minute. I can’t move. I’m taking my basal body temperature.
Ken: What for?
Me: For baby-making purposes. I have to take my temperature every morning before I get up.
Ken: Oh. So…what’s the verdict?
Me: It’s really low. Maybe that’s why we’re not getting anywhere.
Ken: Because you’re frigid?
Truthful Tuesday
I’m a Francophile. I love anything and everything related to France.
I’m even addicted to things that aren’t really French, but have “French” in the title.
Like french fries, french toast and french kissing.
Behaving in a gentleman-like manner
Having a lot of single girl friends is difficult. I see the way that some men treat them and it makes me angry.
It’s hard to believe that there are people in their thirties who still need to be told how to be courteous, how to have manners and how to be kind.
It’s hard to believe that there are people out there who are so selfish and self-centered that they can’t be bothered...
I swear to God, this has been the extent of my...
Butterfinger. Butt OR finger. Heh. Butterfinger.
Butterfinger? I don’t even know ‘er.
What the fuck, Claudia that doesn’t even make sense.
…I’m hungry.
cleapow asked: So now that we are old and married and trying to have babies but finding that difficult does it ever really piss you off how much time we wasted on shitty protected sex?
Reasons why today sucks
The doctor called to tell me that I am not, in fact, pregnant. She didn’t seem to care how sure I was. Apparently it doesn’t work that way.
I want to punch everybody in their stupid faces, and I hate when I feel that way because it’s so unbecoming. I want to be gracious and strong and stoic. I want to be better than this.
My body is an asshole.
Tumblr Confession
I have to watch British movies with subtitles if I want to understand anything anybody’s saying.
Except for Colin Firth because the language of horny is universal.
Labmate: I saw the cutest girl today. And she was going to walk right past me, so I said to her, “What? You don’t like DNA? You’re full of it.” Get it? Full of it? Full of DNA?
Me: You know I have a blog, right?
My grandfather
I wonder what he thought, seeing this silent child going through his daily motions for him. This child of his child, this person he would never know. Did he know that almost a quarter of a century later, his memory would still haunt me? Did it occur to him that I would think of him from time to time, and feel an inexplicable ache. A longing for a man I saw but once.
notreallythisguyles asked: I love you tons. That is all. Oh wait, a question... hmm... I love you tons?
strangeninja asked: True Story: When I was preggo with boy 1 (also known as 6) I was obsessed with that show, A Baby Story and watched it pretty much anytime it was on. And when those little freak shows were born they would scream like fucking velociraptors and I used to tell Justin, "I swear if we have a kid that screams like that I will sell him on the black market"
So, boy 1 shows up on...
So, boy 1 shows up on...
gorillasushi asked: Your Fed Savage is dead-on.
jacobnikos-deactivated20121127 asked: I just wanted to know I love you.
I got on Tumblr today and thought "I need to tell Cloudya I love her today".
I got on Tumblr today and thought "I need to tell Cloudya I love her today".
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A baby cries incessantly in the background.
Ken: When we have a baby, we should have its vocal cords removed.
Me: Oh my God, shut up! I was just thinking the exact same thing!
Ken: Oh my God that’s so awesome! We’re going to be awesome parents!
Me: I love you.
Ken: I love you too.
Kiss
End scene.
jacobnikos-deactivated20121127 asked: If you could have sex with super heroes, which one would you really want to wear a condom?
thejohnblog asked: What is your favorite SCENE from a movie (WITHOUT *gasp!* Colin Firth)?
monkeyfrog asked: It's a peenipple! Look it up in your science!
“But there are a lot of things that didn’t help. I mean, that was the day,...”
– Colin Firth
I was 5 points away from a perfect score on the...
I know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, between “there”, “they’re” and “their”. I know when to use “it’s” instead of “its”, and when to use “whose” instead of “who’s”. But lately, there’s a fog of dumb hovering over my brain. I don’t know if...
