October 2010
90 posts
September 2010
90 posts
1 tag
1 tag
Ketamine
I take a deep breath and slip further down the rabbit hole. They sit on either side of me and smile. They’re the only ones I trust and the only ones I don’t trust. I love them and I hate them. I wouldn’t be here with anybody else.
I look down and see a cat watching me. Its tail pendulums thoughtfully as its eyes hold mine.
“The kitty wants some kitty,” I say.
...
3 tags
Invisaligns
Me: I don’t know if I can do this without a mirror.
Orthodontist: Sure you can. I’ll cheer you on from behind.
Me: Okay. Okay, I think it’s in.
Ortho: Lemme see? Yeah. It’s in.
Me: It’s in?
Ortho: Yep, perfect. See? You’re a natural.
Me: At putting things in my mouth. Yes. Awesome.
1 tag
Guess who just wrote a 600 word short story and submitted it to a short fiction contest!
Guess who’s so proud of her very first follow-through that her hands are shaking!
Guess who’s now going to spend the rest of the night in front of the television doing her best not to have a single, original thought!
(It’s me! It’s me!)
At the triathlon shower tent
Mom: Look, that guy’s shorts are slowly falling off.
Me: *giggles*
Mom: Woooo! You’re almost there! You’re almost there!
Me: Mom!
Mom: What? Maybe I’m shouting at the people still racing.
Me: Oh my god, I see butt crack.
Mom: Woooo! Finish line!
1 tag
sblaufuss asked: *giant, squeezy hug*
Irrational Fears
I’m afraid of the karmic repercussions of killing a bug.
I’m afraid of making too much noise in my own apartment.
I’m afraid of grasshoppers and spiders.
I’m afraid if the UPC isn’t showing through the slot on the envelope that Netflix won’t count my return.
I’m afraid of missing out on something. Anything.
I’m afraid that God will punish me for...
A big favor, please →
kfedup:
I’m posting this request again for the weekend morning readers.
If you’ve been following along, you know I love to cook. You might also know I write and have been working on a few projects, one of which is a memoir/cookbook. One of the goals I set for myself this year is to get back to writing personal essays and submitting them. Life intervened in an uncomfortable way and I lost a few...
Ken: *taps my butt with his spoon*
Me: What the…did you just get ice cream on my butt?!
Ken: Yep.
Me: What the hell, man?
Ken: What?
Me: Get it off.
Ken: Okay.
Me: NOT WITH YOUR MOUTH! NOT WITH YOUR MOUTH!!
He knows me. He knows exactly who I am. Someone who has trouble with quiet and stillness. Someone who has a hard time with boundaries. He sees me for what I am. He watches me struggle with things like monogamy and sobriety and responsibility. And still, he trusts me. He has faith in me.
I chose to be here. I chose to be a wife and a partner. These are my choices. I show them to you like...
2 tags
My fart story is the reason I don't do yoga
Because sometimes when you bend in strange ways you get air in places that shouldn’t have air, that were never meant to have air, and are incapable of holding air in. And sometimes that air chooses not to come out all at once, but at certain, startling intervals, giving Downward Facing Dog a whole new level of hilarity.
That air took all of one hour to completely come out. One humiliating...
No context theater, Act I, Scene I
Ken: Do you need any help?
Me: Just with putting it in.
Ken: Here, let me.
End Scene.
Curtain.
Earth mothers
My sister-in-law just called to see if I wanted to attend a Wiccan/Earth mother/prayer thing we were invited to by some people we met at Earthdance, and I don’t know. I don’t know if I should go.
On the one hand, I don’t believe in all that mystical stuff. I don’t believe I’m repeatedly miscarrying because I “haven’t given my womb permission to make a...
Things I can't say without giggling
Beat around the bush
Hole in one
Cocky
Uranus
Tossed salad
Pinprick
The thing about disconnecting from reality is that it’s nice out there. It’s a safe space of your own making. Nothing bad can touch you, and nothing really matters.
But it’s not until you decide you’re missing out on too much and decide to be more present that you remember why you left in the first place. And it hits you out of the blue, how sad you are. You remember...
1 tag
Every now and then it hits me
Fuck, I love my husband.
And I’ve wasted all this time living inside my head, inside my world, inside my dreams.
I’m really going to regret being so selfish and self-centered if I ever lose him.
I really hope I never lose him.
Distractions - Zero 7
I love you, I love you,...
Truthful Tuesday
My favorite part of being 35 and comfortable in my own skin is when I get all dressed to go the gym and as I’m tying my shoes I realize I haven’t shaved my legs and I just shrug and go to the gym anyway.
Or maybe that’s my favorite part of being lazy and gross.
Of being a damn, dirty hippie?
Some things I always just kind of assumed I would...
Visit the moon
Get a do-over on my childhood
Have sex with Colin Firth
Become a vampire
Write a really awesome, life-altering, successful book
Go to the Academy Awards
Live in a castle
There’s three things on this list I still haven’t given up on.
Things I say to my labmate (and what I really...
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you with my headphones in. (Please stop talking to me.)
How late are you staying today? (Please go home.)
What are you eating? (What stinks?)
Could you turn your music down just a tiny bit? (Your music isn’t really bothering me, but I have PMS.)
Your shoes sound like women’s heels. (I don’t like you, and I’m not going to try to...
snackajawea-deactivated20110326 asked: I just started watching "A Single Man" and I'm already bawling. I also rented "The English Patient" because I'd never seen it, and he was in that too. Anyway, just wanted you to know that I've been thing about you. :)
Earthdance
Last night I went to Earthdance, “a global dance for peace.” I drank organic vodka and ate vegan pastries. I danced barefoot with Ken, and laughed my fool head off. I lost my shoes in the yoga room, and it took me a good 15 minutes to find them. I watched Ken and my brother lead a drum circle. I did my very, very best to keep an open mind. I got shushed by a stranger during the...
The thing is
Sometimes you’re on your way out the door. But the next act decides she needs a dancer. A petite dancer, and you’re only five feet tall. And maybe the next act is famous. And she throws you some hot pants and a bra that lights up and some wings. And maybe you’re tired of being afraid. So you put those hot pants on. And maybe you dance in front of a big crowd, in nothing...
1 tag
If you kissed me. Kissed my elbows and my shins. The flesh that isn’t flesh. And you kissed me. And you kissed me…
“I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.”
– Jane Austen (via fuckyeahjaneausten)
What happens in my mind during a seminar
Inner Voice: Wow, this girl has really good data. Three slides in and she’s already done more work than I have. I’m understanding it though. So that’s good at least.
Colin Firth: Hey there.
IV: Not now, dude. I’m busy.
CF: Right. OK.
IV: Shit, I missed what she said just now. That’s okay though, I’ll just pick up from here.
CF: It’s just, well I was...
It's been a terrible day
A day that started with a dream about my dead dog and has gone downhill from there.
But it’s not the day, it’s me. It’s my head. I can’t find my footing. I can’t find my solid ground.
Also, something just happened that made me realize I was right to write someone off. I was right to listen to my gut and I was right to be wary and cautious. The person this is...
The words are out, and despite the fact that I immediately gasp and cover my mouth, my words find their way to him, and his face changes. His face crumbles. And nothing is what it was just a moment ago.
He closes his eyes and leans back, a half smile on his face.
I know that smile. That smile is resignation and surrender. That smile is a wall that distances him from my irrational behavior. ...
I wake up with a sob in my throat, and my breath plumes out of me as I realize I was dreaming. I turn my head to find that Ken is still sleeping beside me, so I accidentally (on purpose) nudge him awake. He turns to me without opening his eyes and folds me into his arms.
“I was dreaming,” I say to him, “I had a bad dream.”
He makes a soft, sympathetic sound and squeezes...
And time is passing us by my dear. And we continue to surround ourselves by the demands of the immediate and the now. And we forget that there is more, that there is an underneath and a below. And yes, there is a beyond. I sit here, in the beyond, and continue to be haunted. Mute and still, a paper doll staring out the window. Watching the world hurry by. (Except it sometimes also floats.) And I...
1 tag
Boss: Let’s meet tomorrow at noon.
Me: I’m not coming in until 3, remember? I’m working 3-11 for the next few weeks.
Boss: Oh right. Right. Okay. How about Friday at 2 then?
Me: So…I won’t be in until 3?
