"Hey hey hey! The internet takes time to arrive on...
-Me to a very impatient baby waiting for his video to download. Related: The kid’s watching an online video and I have five minutes to catch up on tumblr!
Damn it I missed the war on breastfeeding
Probably because I was busy breastfeeding. Being the mother of a newborn is isolating and stressful. You need to get out of the house or you’ll go insane. Babies eat every two hours. Sometimes, you just won’t make it back home in time to feed your baby in the comfort of your living room. I’m not comfortable breastfeeding in public. I’m shy and self-conscious. But I do...
Gratuitous picture of your nervous breakdown
Most days I love being a mom, and I’m good, nay, *great* at it. But some days I thrust my baby into my husband’s arms and drive out to Quizno’s to pick up dinner and I cry all the way there. And part of the way back.
My mom: Baby Brandon, your mother needs to learn to lighten up. Me: Well, Brandon, your grandmother needs to stop being so critical. Mom: Your mother is being a little passive aggressive. Me: Your mother learned that from your grandmother. Brandon: *fart, giggle, poop*
Hi my name is Claudia
2011 was a dry year for me. I was pregnant for the first nine months and breastfeeding for the rest of it. So I didn’t drink anything with alcohol in it. Not for a whole year. This means more to me than 300-odd days without a hangover. It means 52 weekends whole and remembered. It means a year of mornings not spent huddling underneath the bedsheets, cringing and hating myself for drunken...
The video I meant to post but was distracted by Yo Gabba Gabba.
Nugget has things to say
audioper asked: Aww. that promo code for free shipping doesn't seem to work...
Christmas Wish List
Dear Santa, Please gimme: 1. A shower that lasts more than five minutes and doesn’t include an adorable baby making “I’m about to cry” faces at me through the shower door. 2. The ability to ingest caffeine again, without turning my breast milk into speed for babies. 3. A week of sleep. 4. Five minutes alone with a trussed up Colin Firth. Four of which will be spent in...
I let my 2 1/2 month old watch TV. He watches 1 episode of Yo Gabba Gabba a day. Two if I’m feeling particularly tired. Right now he’s watching Charlie and the Numbers on YouTube in one window so I can type this in another. I would feel guilty but I’m too busy being grateful for my sanity.
I’m wearing heels! And dangly earrings! And my hair down! And a sexy bra! It’s my first non-mommy day in 2 months. Yay! Yay for grandparents!!
Things that bugged me
- That last bit of expensive face cream that can’t be pumped out and defies gravity when you try to turn the jar over and shake it out. - Lathering my feet up with moisturizer and then realizing I had to get out of bed and slippity slide across a cold tile floor on greased up feet to turn the lights out. - You know how nobody tells you that pregnancy is the easy part, it’s what...
Ken: There was one bad orange in that entire bunch. Me: But it didn’t spoil it? Ken: Nope. Me: Not like apples? Ken: Nope. But it’s not a good comparison.
I got hit on for the first time since having a...
Part of me wanted to hug the guy. Part of me wanted to mace him. Part of me wanted to say, “I just pushed my husband’s child out of my vagina two months ago. That sort of thing bonds a couple. Are you Colin Firth? No you’re not. So mind the wedding ring bitch.” All of me just smiled politely and turned away.
Things that made me laugh out loud today
Nugget being mesmerized by a Yo Gabba Gabba song about brushing your teeth when he’s months away from having any. The big grin on Nugget’s face when he peed on me mid diaper change. Nugget startling himself with his own man-sized fart.