April 2011
70 posts
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That night when you came over, with your overnight bag and your broken heart, and we sat down together and I let you speak? That night we switched roles, and I looked after you. I comforted and sympathized and mothered. I was your watchdog and your touchstone. That night I kept you safe.
That morning when he called, with his simpering and his knuckling, and you sat down at the breakfast table...
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Things about Twitter I've missed
Having somewhere to put my short and stupid thoughts
Being put on lists with names like “Strange”, “Christians would flip”, and “Floppy balls”
Being put on lists with people I admire (Conan O’Brien)
Being put on lists with people I don’t admire (Charlie Sheen)
Old friends who aren’t on tumblr
Old friends who are on tumblr but are...
Tumblr disappeared me… →
ungeziefer:
Evidently this happens a lot. Very uncool.
Every day, I grow more and more concerned with the disregard Tumblr shows its users. I wish there was a good alternative, and we could all hold hands and jump ship together.
You jump I jump, Jack.
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Twice a week, I force myself to do pre-natal yoga. It’s a 40 minute video, but I only have the patience and stamina for about 20 minutes. (I’m lazy and un-bendy.) Each time, though, I try to do a little bit more, and each time, I get a little farther.
Today, I had made it to 25 minutes, and when the instructor said, “Let’s move on to some squats,” I was all,...
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Me (patting neighbor lady’s dog): She’s so sweet, how old is she?
Neighbor lady: She’s four and a half.
Me: Oh that’s how old my baby is!
NL: Oh, you have a dog?
Me: No, I mean my baby baby.
NL: Oh, you have a baby?
Me (patting my belly): No, I mean my baby baby.
NL: *gives me a very confused look*
Me: But…you know…like months, not years.
THIS is why...
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Blueberry Log, Day 126
I have been testing the walls of my prison for structural integrity for the past hour. This is a painstaking process that involves knocking in the same place repeatedly for no apparent reason. Sometimes my knocking brings on what I can only describe as peals of laughter and delight from the other side. This annoys me, and I instantly withdraw.
My captor continues to feed me well, and meets...
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-1984 replied to your post: My undergrad assistant was approached by a…
Well, and teaching our male relatives that it is never ok to do this to other women, ever. Too often we blame other women for coping with what are men’s problems.
Please don’t misunderstand. I was in no way trying to blame the victim. What I’m saying is we don’t have to take unwelcome advances with a...
My undergrad assistant was approached by a scummy-looking older man on the train today. He sat down next to her and began asking her all sorts of questions. “What’s your name? Where do you go to school? What are you studying?” She gave fake answers for every single one of his questions, and then she suffered through his compliments and advances silently for the remainder of...
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Holy crow!!
So yeah, I’m well into the fifth hour of a Netflix marathon because hello? My life is awesome.
And I’m poking my stomach. Poke, poke, poke. And I’m massaging my little belly. Rub, rub, rub.
And then I find a lump.
(Is that a lump? That’s a freaking lump.)
I press harder.
(That? Is a lump.)
And then the lump drifts down a centimeter. And then the lump is gone.
...
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pvaras asked: Hey Dude, what's up?!?
So, every night when I fire up my Xbox to watch reruns of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix, I get a popup telling me that you're on Xbox live as well. Tell me, what are you up to? vegging with Netflix like me? or are you playing some kewl game I should know about? Every time I see you online I yell "Heey!" then I feel stupid because you...
So, every night when I fire up my Xbox to watch reruns of Law & Order: SVU on Netflix, I get a popup telling me that you're on Xbox live as well. Tell me, what are you up to? vegging with Netflix like me? or are you playing some kewl game I should know about? Every time I see you online I yell "Heey!" then I feel stupid because you...
I am not interesting
I am 36, married, and happy. I have a little person growing inside me, and he moves about and kicks and makes me smile. I talk about this a lot, because it’s big for me. Huge, even. I’ve never seen the start of a new life before, much less been an active participant, so yeah, it blows my mind. We had some heartache and false starts and dashed hopes, so celebrating this? I...
Maternity T-shirts I make in my head
“If you can read this you’re standing between me and food.”
“Touch me and I’ll touch you back. Hard.”
“Yes I’m drinking a soda DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!”
“Ask me about hormones.”
“I put out.”
My baby can hear this week. Which means I’ve officially banned my labmate’s “easy listening jazz” Pandora station while my stomach is within hearing distance.
It’s like being pregnant makes me think I own the place.
(I do. I own the place.)
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I’ve spent the whole day running up to the second floor bathroom every time I have to pee because there is a dead cockroach in the first floor bathroom and I can’t bring myself to pee in front of it.
Sometimes when I’m in the shower I wash the soles of my feet, but I don’t hold onto something while I’m doing it. Every time I think how risky that is. How I could...
Guess who just discovered she can hide in the...
Me. It was me.
I discovered.
Jerk classmate’s question: Why do you always say hello to the maintenance people? Was your dad a maintenance worker or something?
What I said: No…I don’t know…
What I should’ve said: Because I have manners.
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Truthful Tuesday
Ken felt the baby move last night. His face lit up like it did on our wedding day when he saw me in my dress.
Ken’s eyes. Ken’s face. My Ken. My heart.
For true.
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I drank a coke. I know, I’m allowed a cup of coffee a day. But I’ve abstained because caffeine crosses the placenta, and because I’m a masochist and a nut.
But I drank a coke today, and it was good. So good.
It’s hard to feel guilty with all the increased Blueberry kickiness going on right now. I hadn’t felt him all weekend, and now he’s all hopped up on...
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When you walk your pregnant self up to an intersection, and even though the light is green, cars stop for you, and you lead the people across, through a parted sea of traffic, that’s when your husband dubs you the pregnant Moses.
That reminds me I once tweeted about my burning bush.
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I’m having a conversation with my undergraduate assistant. I’m explaining why I chose to use the controls she’ll be preparing - what they’ll tell us, what they won’t tell us - and from deep inside my belly, I feel the gentlest flutter-flutter. Then nothing.
I’ve never been pregnant before. Not 16 1/2 weeks pregnant. Not pregnant with something -...
Some time ago, Ken and I were verbally assaulted by a pregnant lady. She pulled up in front of us in traffic, slammed on her brakes, then lifted her swollen body out of the car and proceeded to go an a profanity-laden tirade about how slow we were driving.
First of all, yeah, we drive slow. It’s called obeying the speed limit. Plus, we’re never in a real hurry to get anywhere. We...
I had a feud
It was a good feud, with this girl who works in the lab next door. Nothing was done or said to begin this feud. We simply hated each other at first sight. I hated her because she seemed snobby and rude. She probably hated me for something similar.
For months, we ignored each other.
I pretended not to see her when I passed her in the hall. She pretended not to know me when she stood in front...
brewingmedic asked: You've probably been asked before, but who is that on your camera case?
BTW...looking good, Mom-2-Be!
BTW...looking good, Mom-2-Be!
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Truthfulnesses
I’ve been thinking a lot about things…
There’s so much in the air right now. I have a meeting in about five weeks which will determine if I get a PhD, or if I graduate with a Master’s degree. I already have a Master’s degree, thank you very much. I didn’t spend six years banging my head against a lab bench to get a second one. But at this point, I’ll...
Things Blueberry hears.
“My bladder is not your own personal waterbed.”
“Okay, pay attention, this is The Sound of Music. Your father doesn’t care for it. But you and me, we’re gonna rock it.”
“Hold onto your umbilical cord, here comes ice cream!”
“This is the one time I’m going to insist that you kick your father.”
“I’m going to go into a...
Craving garlic toast at 4:30 in the morning so I got out of bed and made myself an egg white omelette because PREGNANCY LOGIC!!
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Sometimes you have to eat two lunches so your husband doesn’t find out you stuffed your facehole with Burger King when you “just ran out to the post office.”
You guys were right!
Blueberry is fine. His little heart was all thumpthumpthumpthump.
I am pregnant after all!
Nurse: 109.6 pounds. You started at 96. (raises eyebrows)
Me: Well that was 96 with no clothes on. I weigh a lot less when I’m naked. At home I weigh 105. I just had lunch too. A big hamburger. And french fries. Plus I had jalapeno poppers.
My brain: Stop talking.
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I have to go to the doctor in 3 hours. It’s no biggie. I just walk one block across campus and voila! I’m there. But I don’t want to go.
For one thing, I don’t like my doctor, and I am awful - AWFUL - at pretending I like someone when I don’t. I hate fake-smiling. Hopefully, this will be the last time I see her.
But the real reason I don’t want to go is...
Ken's morning monologue
“Did you hear that some guy invented an alarm clock that zaps bugs? It’s powered by the bugs it kills. That’s not a good idea. What about when that alarm clock runs out of bugs? Do you think it’s going to go quietly into that silent darkness? No! It’s going to fight. Next thing you know you’ll be all, ‘Honey, have you seen Fluffy?’ And then...
Karma? Is, like, when the guy who thinks he’s too good to acknowledge your existence because he’s a medical student and you’re just this lowly PhD student, jumps in front of you in the ice cream cake line and then drops his piece on the floor.
