July 2011
30 posts
Truthful Tuesday on a Wednesday because I just...
I blush whenever I have a conversation with somebody. This used to really paralyze me socially, to the point where I would avoid any interaction. But over the years, I’ve learned to ignore it. It still bothers me, but I don’t let it keep me from talking to people.
Much.
The only time I’m really comfortable being me is when I’m with Ken.
Truthful Tuesday (and also STM)
If you read my blog, and you say something stupid to me, be prepared to read about it. If you don’t want to read about it, don’t read my blog. Or, hey! Think before you fucking speak.
1 tag
The "ow" in "now"
I’ve had a wonderful pregnancy. I had a couple of close calls, but I never had any real morning sickness. I never got any weird cravings or aversions. My energy levels have stayed high for the most part, and although the mood swings were rough at first, I learned to ride them out. I’ve hardly slept, but I always hated sleeping anyway. Big waste of time that could be better spent...
“Are you sure you want to wear all black to play cricket, love? It’s...”
– Me to Ken.
Boom! Mom gene, activated.
3 tags
There is a new annotation on my chart at the...
It says - “Gagger”.
With multiple exclamation points.
I feel like I’ve let the whole internet down…
Truthful Tuesday
I’m scared I’m going to die on the delivery table.
I’m scared I’ll be an awful parent.
I’m scared something bad will happen to Ken.
I’m scared something bad will happen to the Nug-Nug.
I’m scared I won’t live to see my Nugget grow up.
I’m scared my Nugget will hate me.
I’m scared I’m not cut out for this.
I cope and manage...
Driving Miss Lazy
I think this is the last week I’ll be able to drive myself anywhere. I’m just barely five feet tall, so in order for my stubby little legs to reach the pedals I have to scooch the seat all the way up. However, I am also pregnant with Behemoth Baby, and it’s gotten to the point where there’s no space between my tumescent gut and the steering wheel.
Goodbye independence....
1 tag
Movie night
Ken: Is that Rufus Sewell?
Me: Who’s Rufus Sewell?
Ken: Who’s Rufu…He can tune, baby! Motherfucker can tune! He’s, like, the only human who can.
Best laugh so far today
At the cafeteria, to the guy behind me in line -
Me: You can go around me if you like.
Guy: I don’t think I could get around you if I tried. You’re huge!
ha ha HA!
Cripe I’ve still got two months to go…
Pregnant woman sitting at a bar!
All alone. Sipping on a screwdriver. Just kidding! It’s orange juice. I tried to order a Coke but the bartender suggested fresh squeezed OJ and then my conscience chimed in and so now I have OJ.
Did I mention I’m sitting at a bar? If I entered a beauty contest right now? For my talent? I’d just walk on stage and balance my pregnant ass on a bar stool. And write a blog post....
Dear haters,
I was the Vice President of my college’s chapter of NOW. I marched in rallies and protests. I volunteered at women’s shelters and worked my ass off planning and manning fundraisers. I never burned my bra, but I gave it dirty looks from time to time.
So excuse me if my current state of pregnancy affects your delicate sensibilities. Choosing to have a baby does not make me an...
Wah wah wah...
I have no idea what the protocol is for switching doctors if they share the same office. I just know my doctor was on vacation today and I fell IN LOVE with her buddy who ended up seeing me. So I asked the receptionist to make my next appointment with the new doctor, and I might as well have flashed her one of my boobs.
She was horrified by my tacky behavior. Horrified!
I’m so...
2 tags
Penis!
Last night, I read what circumcision entails, and it made me cry.
On the one hand, I don’t want my Nug being stigmatized or mocked because his mother didn’t have the balls (so to speak) to put her little baby under the knife.
On the other hand, I’m not sure I want my Nug dating someone who would be thrown by a couple of inches of skin.
Thoughts? Thoughts on foreskin anyone?
Why we work
Ken: You already finished that scarf?
Me: Almost. I still have to block it.
Ken: Block it?
Me: Bloooock it.
Ken: Blaaah
Me: Bullaaaaah
Ken: Belloq!
Me: Shut your eyes Marion!
Ken: Throw me the idol, I’ll throw you the whip.
And then he made me an egg white omelette.
I don't have gestational diabetes!
BRB doing some lines of delicious sugar!!
We did it. We had “the talk” yesterday. The “how do we plan to discipline our Nugget” talk. The one that basically started out with me pushing self-consciously at my avocado salad with my fork for five minutes before finally blurting out, “You’re not ever going to hit the Nugget are you?” and then doing my best to fight back tears.
It’s not that...
