I'm abtastic: Ten rape prevention tips: →
coerulescens: 1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks. 2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone. 3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her. 4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her. 5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her. 6. Never creep into a woman’s...
Ken: What do you want from Panera? Me: Ooh! A chocolate chip muffie! Ken: Got it. Me: Wait! I’m not done! If you see that the muffie is touching anything blueberry, or that the little pincer grabby thingies have touched anything blueberry or have blueberry on them, then I want a brownie instead. But if the brownies look like they’ve been sitting out all day, then I want a bear...
Why Katniss is a Feminist Character (And It’s Not... →
“…she’s a feminist character not because she wields a bow like Bella never could, but because while in the arena she learns to recognize, value, and eventually embrace feminine strengths. It’s her ability to find strength in other women — and to support them in return — that makes the girl on fire a feminist.”
There are two life events that make me laugh so...
This is thing the one- My father speaks a very broken, heavily accented English. He tries though, for Ken’s sake, who is usually the lone gringo at our family gatherings. One time, we were all sitting at the breakfast table and my dad asked us if we’d seen the latest gameshow on TV called “Guess Who’s Standing.” I shook my head, knowing he had the title wrong but...
Lady holding infant: At what age did your baby start sleeping through the night? Me: LOLSOB!!!!!
I walk in to the sound of whooping and cheering. It’s not for me, of course. I’m not really visible. It’s for a man on a widescreen with a ball and a hoop. It’s for a larger-than-life. A projection. A reflection. I walk up to the bar and look around. I am very aware of the fact that I don’t fit. Everyone here is very “Miami”. They are muscle shirts and...
The thing is that my apartment gets cold, so I’m forced to put on socks. The other thing is that I just had a baby, so my brain is shot. The other, other thing is that GETTING OUT OF THE APARTMENT WITH A BABY IN TOW AMIRITE?! The upshot of all these things is that occasionally I find myself at the grocery store wearing ankle socks with my flip-flops.
OK look. You’ve edited me, you’ve spell-checked me, you’ve...– My novel
Proof that time is not constant
- The five seconds between when the kid falls and when he starts bawling stretch out interminably while I wait in the breath-holding balance. - Forty minute baby naps during which I hardly have time to do more than get a glass of water and sit down. - That last hour before Ken comes home from work feels just as long as the previous 9 hours put together. - 7 months. The kiddo turns 7 months...
Hey little man, what’s that look? Are you pooping? You’re pooping...– Ridiculous conversations I find myself having with my pre-verbal kid
do-over asked: Wait. Is he putting them on or taking them off??!? IT'S IMPORTANT