Slowly - very slowly - I’m getting better at this motherhood thing. I’ve learned to distinguish a hunger cry from an I-need-a-nap cry and an I-just-need-attention cry. I’ve learned to do things like hold my baby with one hand and make a sandwich with the other. I take advantage of nap times to run (2 weeks left on my couch to 5K training!) or read (300 pages left in the freaking behemoth tome that is George R. R. Martin’s latest!)

Confidence is everything, and mine is slowly growing. Sure, my Tumblr has become all BABYBABYBABY! But so has my life. He is the center of my world, with his little wants and needs. He has become the center of my heart with his little smiles and chubby little fists.

I had a baby because I was ready to become a parent. But simply having a baby didn’t make me a mother. I’m becoming a mother slowly, as my heart fills up with an involuntary and effortless kind of love. As I let the unimportant stuff fall away and learn to be a source of comfort and quiet shelter. I’m becoming a mother despite the early fears and anxieties. Despite the iniquities and the failures of who I used to be. This kid has searched my soul and found all the very best parts, and dragged them out into the sunlight. He’s changed me. He’s made me more than a parent. He’s made me a mom.