Cloudya

Looking back on pictures of my son’s first day of life, I can see shadows of the baby he is now. The way his bottom lip curls out when he’s asleep, making him look like a disgruntled old man. The way his brow furrows when he’s taking something new in. The way one arm shoots up in the air, little fist curled tight, whenever he stretches. All of these things were already there that first day, and I just didn’t see them because I didn’t know him yet. He was a whole, and the individual parts got lost in the sum.

It makes me wonder about the seeds of who he will be as a toddler, a child, a teenager, an adult… Are all of these present in him now? Will I flip through these pictures I take now - the one of him beaming, all gums and dimples, the one of him wide-eyed with wonder at his first bath, the one of him sleeping with his arms flung out in unchecked abandon - and will I say, “Yes, there he was. My boy. He was with me all along.”