Cloudya

About last night

Sat, 18 May 2013 12:04:50 -0400

Brain: Hey! Let’s have a drink! We deserve a drink.

Me: Um, I don’t know. Two years sober and all…

Brain: Yeah but come on. One measly little drink? After the day, nay, the YEAR we’ve had?

Me: Hmmm…

Brain: I mean come on. You’re done for the day. You did a fantastic job pitching your book. You’re child-free…

Bartender: What’ll it be?

Me: Cranberry and soda please.

Brain: Where did I lose you?

Me: You mentioned the kid.

Brain: Oh.

Me: Yep.

That time I was on The Voice

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:24:09 -0400

This morning I walked into a room with 3 literary agents sitting at a table. Except their backs were turned. They were all facing the wall. I had 30 seconds to pitch my book to the backs of their heads. If at any point one of the agents was interested, they’d raise their hand and I would then leave my synopsis and 1st 3 pages on the table for them to collect after I walked out.

It was weird man.

I got 2 sentences in before a hand went up. A HAND WENT UP! So I left them my little bundle, suppressed the urge to pat their nicely shaped heads, and left.

That was session number 1.

Session 2 was a 10 minute meeting with an agent of my choosing (not one of the disembodied heads from the 1st session.) This pitch session was face to face, and at the end I was handed a business card and asked to send in my first chapter.

Success!

And now I sit back and metabolize all this adrenaline I’ve got running through my body.

It was a good morning.

Buy my book? Be my agent? Love me? Let me love you?? I have a...

Fri, 17 May 2013 08:39:32 -0400

Buy my book? Be my agent? Love me? Let me love you??

I have a meeting with an agent in 1 hour. I’m pitching my book as a cross between Joss Whedon’s “Firefly” and Margaret Atwood’s “The Handmaid’s Tale”.

Oh God I hope she’s seen “Firefly”…

OKHEREIGO!!!!

Two hours in Pittsburgh

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:01:02 -0400

I met a man who told me he believes we are born with a set number of heartbeats. So he doesn’t exercise. He doesn’t want to waste his heartbeats running around the block.

I met an almost toothless man who recommended a place for lunch. The place turned out to be awful. Just awful. I feel like I should have seen that one coming.

I met a woman who asked me what kind of stories I write. I drew a blank on the word I needed. Surreal. Surreal was the word I was looking for. (Yeah. Words. I write them.)

I met a man who was born in France before World War II. He wanted to tell me his life story but his daughter wouldn’t let him.

This was my afternoon. I was alone. But I was never lonely. The conference starts tomorrow so I’m going back to my hotel now to sit in the courtyard and write.

Surreal stuff. I write the surreal.

I am child free and off to explore Pittsburgh!

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:09:56 -0400

I am child free and off to explore Pittsburgh!

Her: Your money will go farther in Buffalo. You’ll see. When we lived in Delaware we had an...

Sun, 12 May 2013 08:28:41 -0400

Her: Your money will go farther in Buffalo. You’ll see. When we lived in Delaware we had an actual house. With a pool and a hot tub. On land! Here we live in a 1 bedroom apartment.

Me: Why did you leave?

H: My husband.

M: That’s why I’m leaving.

H: That’s why we all leave, us women.

Misha lays down the motherfucking law. [x]

Sat, 11 May 2013 20:00:29 -0400

Misha lays down the motherfucking law. [x]

He wants to see it!!

Fri, 10 May 2013 16:59:56 -0400

The agent who read the first 10 pages of my book for my manuscript consultation today wants me to email him the rest of it. Exclamation point!! Even though I was in idiot mode the entire time and said things like, “I google imaged you beforehand” and “I’m very shy, is that coming across?”

God. I am an idiot.

But hey, an idiot with a decent first chapter, right?

I know I’m not likely to get a book deal out of this. But it’s something. It’s the first literary agent to ask to see my book.

Yay!

Photo

Thu, 09 May 2013 17:14:56 -0400

He hasn’t napped. He is refusing to nap. I just want...

Wed, 08 May 2013 15:29:25 -0400

He hasn’t napped.

He is refusing to nap.

I just want some time to myself. Just a little time to pack or watch Supernatural or just thumb through a stupid magazine!!

But he won’t nap.

He’s refusing to nap.

Good News!

Mon, 06 May 2013 11:53:26 -0400

neuroticdad:

I promised myself I wouldn’t use this blog for self-promotion but…

My Kindle Single is available from Amazon! It’s a “hilarious but moving” short novel about a young American in London in 1990.

It’s only $2.99. (UK, £1.99.) If you don’t have a Kindle, you can get a free app to read Kindle books.

I’ve had a great experience working with the editors at Amazon, and I think that’s reflected in the book. So, Tumblr friends, please help me get the word out. Buy it, write an Amazon review (you can be honest), reblog.

Or just smile and help me enjoy the moment.

On second thought, please buy it.

So here's the thing:

Mon, 06 May 2013 11:24:00 -0400

I walk into Panera and I’m greeted by Pablo. Pablo has a graduate degree in architecture, but he’s working at Panera because he lost his job. He asks me how I’m doing. Anything published recently? He pats my arm and tells me to let him know if I need anything. He smiles.

I walk over to my booth and on the way I’m greeted by Jimmy, a fellow Panera regular. He asks me when my book is coming out. He calls me the next Agatha Christie. He jokes with me about how he saved my favorite spot for me. We smile.

Later today I’ll go home and see Angela, the front desk receptionist at our building. She’ll ask me why I don’t bring Brandon by more often. She’ll complain about her sinuses and I’ll make a mental note to make some soup for her.

The nannies at the park. The neighbor across the hall. The cashier at the grocery store. They are all more than strangers. But they’re not friends. Not really. And somehow that makes it worse, because I know that once I leave here I’ll never see them again. We won’t look for each other on Facebook or shoot each other the occasional e-mail. Once I leave Miami, they’ll be out of my life. For good. Forever.

So I’m mentally and emotionally saying goodbye. I don’t think I’ll tell them I’m going. What would be the point? I’ll just stop showing up one day. And maybe they’ll notice and maybe they won’t. But I hope they do. Because they’re not family, and they’re not friends. But they mean something, and I’m really going to miss them.

STM

Sat, 04 May 2013 12:05:00 -0400

The thing about being an angel is that it’s so hard to remain, you know, angelic. Imagine that you carry on your white-robed shoulders all the burdens of Heaven, but what you do with it, most days, is a big fat zero. Imagine that you can watch all of God’s creatures frolicking shamelessly, but instead of joining in, you’re forced to sit on the sidelines like some kind of holy referee. You’re a watcher and a whistle-blower. You’re glorified middle management. You’re a parent without ever having wished for it.

That’s why so may of us are so frustrated. That’s why so many of us get off on the smiting and the wrathfulness. At least it’s a change of pace, you know? At least it’s an outlet. At least it’s something more than waiting. And watching. And wishing…

Dry cleaner dude: Are you sure you want to preserve your wedding dress? You could wear it...

Sat, 04 May 2013 11:14:46 -0400

Dry cleaner dude: Are you sure you want to preserve your wedding dress? You could wear it again.

Me: Oh, it doesn’t fit me anymore.

D: I see…

M: I was a lot thinner when I got married.

D: Okay, well…

M: But, you know, I’ve had a baby since then.

D: Okay, w-

M: But I’m working on losing the weight. It’s just, you know, I like to eat! Haha…

D: …

M: …

D: Okay, well, let’s go ahead and preserve the dress.

Tag. You’re it. The rules are to state 5 random facts about yourself. Then go to ten favorite blogs and tell them they are it.

Fri, 03 May 2013 09:22:24 -0400

1. I had a hard time coming up with 5 things and was tempted to write 5 things about my kid instead. Apparently I now define myself in terms of my kiddo. I might find that depressing if I had the energy to think about it.

2. I used to go to raves. I used to own a whistle and a Vicks inhaler. I used to dance with glow sticks.

3. I used to be one of those prefers-animals-to-people types. Now I’m not. I don’t know what changed. I now love people even though I’m shy of them. But I still hate forced small talk like at the hair salon because I love to zone out for hours on end.

4. I was born to be an adult. I never miss my childhood or my teenage years. I was born to be my own person and answer to no one.

5. I recently became a vegetarian. Again. I haven’t had meat in 2 weeks. My mom used to tell me that when it said anything about meat in the bible they were really referring to sex. In that case I haven’t had meat in closer to a month. But I have meat all the time in my head. Hell I’m having a steak right now.

You know how when you feed the birds, there’s always that...

Thu, 02 May 2013 13:53:33 -0400

You know how when you feed the birds, there’s always that one aggressive bird who pushes all the others out of the way and takes all the best crumbs for himself? That’s not my kid. My kid is the timid little guy who hangs back, hoping, and lets all the other birds snatch the crumbs out from under him. My kid is the wounded bird. Mama, mama, mama! Squawk, squawk, squawk! My little bird…

Sometimes I worry that I made him this way. That I hover. That I smother. But the truth is I’d worry just as much if he were the bully instead of the bullied. That’s what you do with kids. You worry. You don’t do the right thing because there is no right thing. There’s only instinct. And guessing. And love.

Lately I’ve been hanging back a little more. Letting him stretch his wings. Letting him pick himself up. I take him to the park and let him interact and I step in if things get dicey. He runs to me a lot. He hangs on me a lot. It’s a process.

But sometimes I take him to the indoor playground when I know it will be deserted. There, he doesn’t need me. Alone, he can play without being disturbed or pressured. He can explore. He can relax. He can be who he is. He can be a little bird. My little baby bird.

I tried, but in the end, I wasn't allowed to bring your Colin Firth through customs. Sorry :(

Wed, 01 May 2013 13:15:48 -0400

EVERYTHING MUST GO!

Wed, 01 May 2013 13:06:22 -0400

We’re moving in August. To the land of ice and snow and buffalo. Wings.

I’ve got a lot of stuff I can’t bring with me. So, inbox me your address and sometime over the next three months I’ll send you a gift. It’s like a garage sale except everything is free and you don’t have to leave your house.

I can’t guarantee I’ll get to everyone because my funds might run out. I also can’t guarantee that you’ll like what you get, although I’ll do my best to tailor the gift to the giftee. I can guarantee that I won’t give out your address. Or show up at your house at night to watch you sleep.

Probably.

I’m not feeling truthy. Or wordy. So here’s a...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 21:39:12 -0400

I’m not feeling truthy. Or wordy. So here’s a picture of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Amen.

Lock up your mens!!! This is too sexy I don’t know I might...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 18:40:58 -0400

Lock up your mens!!!

This is too sexy I don’t know I might cause a riot on the streets of Buffalo.

This is a knee length coat. But by knees they mean my ankles. Apparently.